I had to do it. Yep, this is my entry for Shoemoney’s Party Like A RockStar At Pubcon contest.
I read through a few of the entries that have already been submitted and there are a good lot of enticing candidates. However, if I were the judges, I’d probably pick a hot chick from another country regardless of the quality of her entry.
With that said, I’m gunning for R-Kelley‘s vote with hopes that she will be able to sway the other judges. After all, I’m a not-bad looking Asian dude… and there aren’t many out there.
I’ve been contemplating going to PubCon because I really want to go and I haven’t hung out with the search crowd for a long time. The last conference I attended was SES – San Jose… in 2006. Since then, I worked for an agency that didn’t send me to conferences and, now, since I just recently went into business on my own, I can’t (responsibly) (what? did I just say that?) justify the costs.
I’ve only been to Vegas once and it was with my (ex) girlfriend’s family. While I was able to drink and get drunk, I didn’t get to party like I know how to and experience Vegas for what it should be. To be able to go to PubCon and roll with a crew that includes Shoe, Dax, R-Kelley, Princess, Greg Hartnett, and Dave Dellanave would be 100% discoshit, to say the least.
With that said, I don’t want to line myself up to be a jester. If I am to demean myself, it’ll be on my own accord. There’s no question I’ll drink, and I’m definitely going to get drunk, and I’m sure I’ll get wasted, and there’s a good chance I’ll blackout, but be forewarned that I’m not out to break any world records or anything…
Now that I’ve given you my disclaimer, here are 10 out of many more drunk tales from my past… in no particular order:
- The first time I got drunk was when I was six.
- I passed out during the middle of writing my first official post ever on this blog.
- I unofficially hold the record for the longest streak of consecutive bar nights for my fraternity – 17. Somehow, I also managed to attend most of my classes during this period. Now, that may not sound like all that much or all that rockstarish, but I did manage to blackout most of the nights… and I didn’t spend any money. On the 18h day, I had an intervention with the Scholarship Chairman and quit drinking… for two days.
- One morning, I woke up to my (ex) girlfriend walking into the house after she was away for a few days on a business trip. As I greeted her, I realized I was still drunk from a few “casual” drinks I had while chillin’ alone at home. Then, I saw the two empty fifths of vodka on the kitchen counter. One bottle, I remember buying during a munchie run the night before. The other bottle, I have no idea where it came from. As I walked to the bedroom explaining to my (ex) girlfriend that I wasn’t really sure what I did the night before, I saw that the shower curtain was ripped off the rod and things were thrown about all over the place. I guess no one will ever know where those hours went.
- I’ve gone through two fifths of Jack in a single night… on multiple occasions. That’s a lot where I come from.
- One wasted night at a nice hotel, one of my beer bottles mysteriously fell from the seventh floor and shattered to bits in the atrium. I ended up befriending the security guard and tried helping him locate the perpetrator.
- Another wasted night I was being escorted out of a well-known club in Chicago and offered the bouncer $500 to let me stay. I don’t remember any of this… I don’t even remember being at the club (we started at a different club). Fortunately, my friends didn’t let me pay. So, emergency situations like this (bail) is what I might use the $500 for, Dax 🙂 . Either that, or 500 singles could make for a good night.
- When I was really young, I used to sleepwalk and piss in garbage cans around the house. Since then, I’ve only pissed twice while sleepwalking, both times I was blacked-out. One time was on the floor right in front of my buddy who was passed out on the couch. The other time was on my (ex) girlfriend – well, not directly on her… she was sleeping and was covered with a blanket.
- One night, I was found balled-up in the sub-zero fridge in the fraternity kitchen with no shirt on… wearing oven mitts on my hands. In one of the mitts, I was holding onto a light bulb.
- A pretty good story came out of the last time I was at a search marketing conference and blacked-out.
A few more stories that I can tell in person, if I win, revolve around the following topics:
- Big Bear
- Big Earl’s
- Apple Sauce
- Psycho Mike
Now that I portrayed myself as an alcoholic and a fucktard, I assure you I’m not an alcoholic. I admit I may have been borderline in college, but now, I don’t really drink that much at all aside from a few beers when we go out to eat a few times a month… and I get rowdy only when we have visitors, on a trip/vacation, or when I’m in Chicago.
Alcoholic or not, if I win, rest assured I’ll be spending the the rest of the time up until PubCon building up my tolerance with a strict training regimen.
Sorry, no pics because my photo gallery on The Blackout Boys site got fucked up. Oh yeah, I roll with a crew that calls itself The Blackout Boys.
Anyway, I mentioned my (ex) girlfriend a few times + I also mentioned that I’m not-bad looking + I can also start/hold/carry a conversation = that all makes out for a pretty good wingman. I’m all about helpin’ out my bros.
Oh, and I’m drinking as I write this. 😀 I hope I don’t regret this in the morning… somebody better cache this page before I take it down. 😛 On the other hand, I’m sure my stories are tame compared to some of yours…
References available upon request.